The Amazing "Gimme A Buck (please)" Frequently Asked Questions

A: No. A make money fast scam would promise to make you millions of dollars richer. This site aims only to make you a little bit poorer.

In all seriousness, if I had to classify this site, I'd say it's more of a MAKE.MONEY.VERY.SLOWLY sort of thing.

A: A number of folks have asked this question. The truth is, I don't really know. But you can bet your buck(s) I'll claim them all on my income tax form! (Just in case.)

Q: This is ridiculous. As near as I can tell, the deal here is that I give you money, and get absolutely nothing in return. What do you take me for?

A: Yow! I can see you're a uniquely shrewd consumer. The kind of person who's way too sharp to be lured into getting stung by a scam like this. You're the type of person who will no doubt notice the hyperlinked period at the end of this sentence, and follow that link.

Q: If everyone is supposed to send a dollar, why doesn't each tally end in .00 cents?

A: I wish I had a dollar for everyone who asked this question! For some reason (and I'm not complaining!) people have sent me $1.23 or $1.39, etc.

A: Well... I wanted to get a little bit more money than I had. (Actually I wanted a LOT more money.) I was (and still am) tired of never having money left over after I try and pay the Omnipresent-Pile-O-Bills. Plus, I kind of want to get on David Letterman!

A: This site is based on the premise that the web is filled with people who are computer-obsessed, acquisitive and, ideally, a little bit drunk. To those people, I intend to provide an easy opportunity to spend money. By giving it to me.

A: All right, so you're saying to yourself, "Why should I send a buck of my hard earned money?" I must admit that someone such as yourself would never be persuaded to part with any of your cash by my incredible wit and potentially humorous pleas. You are far too intelligent for that. BUT... how about your friends?! Your co-workers?! Surely THEY are not as clever as YOU! Tell your duller companions and colleagues about this site. Bookmark it in their browsers for them when they're not looking. Leave pre-addressed envelopes lying around on their desks. Tell them that YOU sent some money, so why shouldn't THEY? You'll be doing your part to insure that a fool and his money are soon parted. Visit my Other Ways to Help page for more ideas.

A: Let's see - maybe the plumbing bill, car repair bill, day care bill, pre-school bill, Visa bill, doctor bills, food, rent, clothes, Christmas presents, and the IRS to name a few. Heck, if I get a lot of money I'll finally be able to buy my wife some flowers!

Update: My wife needs braces, so now I've gotta spend another truck-load of money! Please help.

Q: What if I give you lots and lots and lots of money?

A: I am happy to announce that a brand new system of rewards has been developed just for you! You can read all about the fine rewards here.

Q: Can I specify how the money I send be spent?

A: Yes. Many people believe that money should stay fluid in the economy. (See The Currency Tutorial.) If you specify that the money be spent - it will be spent. This is just one of the many ways that I am helping to maintain a fluid and stable world economy.

A: No, I actually do web design as a part-time job. I was working on this e-zine called ZINGER but I finally realized that it was pretty stupid and no one would care. I figured my time could be be better spent by posting "My CD Collection" or "What's Currently On My Desk."

Q: What IS on top of your desk?

A: Well, a stapler, a tape dispenser, a couple of nifty pens, my reading glasses, a water glass (empty), a Jedi mouse pad that I got from my in-laws for Christmas a few years back, an old slow modem (28.800), lots of bills, a phone that doesn't work, a broken ruler, a box of Kleenex, a spool of fishing line, and a very small (unfortunately) stack of letters with dollars in them. Did I mention the stack of bills?

A: YES! Absolutely. What kind of a website would this be if there wasn't an opportunity to get a nifty t-shirt!? You can find out how to get a t-shirt by checking out the rewards page. The information you want is at the bottom of the page. AND, if you really wanted to be a swell person, you could send me a t-shirt! (With your dollar, of course.)

A: Of course! As is the nature of the internet, anyone can easily open a merchant account and accept all major credit cards. (Vague sense of irony) The problem is that it costs a lot. (See next question.) Please notice that the credit card page is located on a secure server that is hosted by an actual credit card company, which allows for completely secure payment. (For your safety). Don't worry, your credit card information will be in good hands.. they DO NOT give me any of your credit card or address information!

A: You can! But only if you use the mail method. If you want to use your credit card, then I'm afraid not. The credit card company charges a usage fee of one dollar plus 7.5% per transaction. So if you send me a dime, I actually end up in the hole for $.9075. It may not sound like much, but it adds up.

For example: say someone were to send me $1,000, ten cents at a time. I'd owe the credit card company about $9,000 of my own money, which would be a sad fate if there were such a thing as $9,000 of my own money, and a sadder fate still given that there isn't.

Not to cast any aspersions, but anyone who would try to engage in such a scam is even worse than me. While my plan is undoubtadly greedy and moronic, theirs is perversely mean-spirited - as they would actually be spending a grand just to bring financial ruin upon a total stranger. Woe to the person who would engage in such a ploy! And recall what I fine individual I am in comparison. In giving me, say, five bucks, you would be keeping it out of the hands of people capable of such villainy.

Q: Could giving you money be written off on my taxes as a charitable donation?

A: No. I briefly toyed with the idea of giving some or all of the money that will (hopefully) arrive to charity. But then I realized I'd rather keep it -- and I myself could in no way qualify as a charity. If you truly insist on a receipt for your donation, I will happily provide a non-charitable non-deductible receipt.

Well, it depends on your general outlook on life. Is the glass half empty or half full? Here's two answers for two views:

Half Empty: Yep. The only thing you have to gain is the chance to be parted with a buck (or bucks) and make me really happy. (And my wife, if you give 100 bucks!)

Half Full: What do you mean by nothing? Do you know how many hours, late nights, fights with my wife, and snickers-behind-my-back-from-my-so-called-friends this site took?! When you give me a buck (or bucks) you are paying for the wondrous works of literature and art that comprise this website.

A: This site is a reflection of my own deepest individual characteristics, namely that I'm a computer geek and a near-Yuppie. The geek part, presumably, requires no explanation. The explanation for the Near-Yuppie part is this: I'm 28 years old, live in a major (albeit Canadian) metropolitan area, and have a computer-type job. I'm as greedy and materialistic as the next guy, and secretly wish I had nicer stuff than him. I manage to go through my day-to-day life imagining myself as a devil-may-care rebellious type always ready to stick it to "The Man", despite the fact that my job consists of helping "The Man" put advertising banners onto the web and all the general groveling and sycophancy that makes up most jobs. I'm young, urban and professional, as well as somewhat hypocritical and materialistic. But... I'm not rich. So I still don't quite cut it as an all-out yuppie. I'm hoping to fix that soon though. If this isn't enough about me, then you can read more here.

Just reach into your wallet, and gimme a buck today!

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